Sheryl Crow - "If It Makes You Happy"

I have a couple of Sheryl Crow CDs. It's harmless, middle of the road stuff...

...but now she wants to save the planet...

Unlike Al Gore, who's idea is to make so much money out of lecture tours and films that he will be able to buy a really big boat to escape the coming flood, her master plan is that we should get used to using one square of toilet paper whenever we visit "the rest room". She has sympathy for anyone with a gippy tummy - they can use two or three.

I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares (sic) of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.

except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Well having just spent the last few days with the worst bout of...well you really do not want know...I have to say sorry, Sheryl, three sheets just ain't enough.

I must have used up at least my next six months quota.

But it got me wondering; how does she think we should enforce this? Will there be "toilet tissue police" who loiter outside public loos and dash in after us to do a quick count? Will we have to sign for our roll in Tesco?

Will there be toilet paper offsetting? I have a friend who gets a bit constipated; could I have his unused ration?

Will there be a black market in the stuff? - "Here, mate...got some double quilted for you. No questions asked."

And what about the Andrex puppy? Won't he be out of work? And I was sure that Sheryl supported animal rights!

Further down the article another of her ideas was revealed.

I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the heighth (sic) of wastefullness (sic). I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve". The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product.. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

I'm not sure this is Sheryl's own idea. Wiping your mouth and nose on your sleeve? My children got there first - perhaps I should have patented it.

Interesting that she has a clothing line...no that would be rude of me to suggest...

And there's more.

This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It's a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!). Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the "greenest" life. This will be reflected in the contestant's home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??.... a recording contract!!!!!

Now leaving aside how you reconcile minimising "our own personal carbon footprints." with the carbon dioxide produced in broadcasting the show and then producing the record for the winner, I am forced to wonder if there isn't a greater threat to civilisation than global warming - reality TV shows!


After reading all this, I did have to check the date but no, April the first has long gone. Then I remembered...


...she's a celebrity!

Now, I am not just being mean here. I believe celebrities have as much right to speak out on any subject they choose. And even if she lacks a rudimentary understanding of the science behind the global warming debate - so what?

The problem is that, these days, we actually take them seriously. The younger you are the more chance there is that you take your opinions about the world from pop and film stars, models and professional TV personalities.

I was reminded of the teacher who was trying to explain the difference between the greenhouse effect and the reduction in the ozone layer. He could not understand why one girl in particular kept insisting they were the same thing. It turned out that the girl had heard it from "the science correspondent" (as if!) on Radio One. In the end the teacher simply had to give up - the girl would not have it.

Perhaps when the Beatles got into transcendental meditation, some of the more loony of their fans may have followed. Certainly the Hare Krishnas benefited from George's support. But I guess most people just smiled indulgently (or got angry when they were thought to have gone too far as in John's "more popular than Jesus" comment).

So there should be no problem with Sheryl Crow's dozy ideas.

But today the cult of celebrity is all...and her voice is another one adding to the unthinking acceptance of the received wisdom...and is that not also a concern for our civilisation?

global+warming Sheryl+Crow music science Al+Gore junk+science